Real Groan Up Shit

Soo,

Bout to get REAL real up in this blitch.

….

(I just tried to mash “blog” and “bitch” like a bitch blog…blitch…cuz of the expression — Ok I’m 👀🤐)

I’m a person who’s always the first to leave…at least emotionally. It’s not hard for me to decide “oh, ok. This how it is. Alright imma dip right about NOW, I wish you all the best(usually)”

This tendency saves me from a lot of hurt in many situations but I also think it keeps me from getting really deep with someone. I’m a very open, transparent, forward, honest, candid person. I don’t have many conflicts (well, family…I don’t think I need to explain 🙄😤💛). That being said, I feel like I have SO MANY guards up. SO many blocks to that DEEP deep. (Me thinking about Deep from The Boys. Hahaha, what a clown.)

Have you ever realized after the fact that you were in unwavering denial of something about your own emotions?

I’m raising my hand right now because GURRRLL. I been there..oof. Not a fun feeling but it’s a growing moment which is what keeps me going.

I’m so fortunate to have people in my life who will tell me “u are a groan ass woman, and you are above this.”

Maybe it’s not always that nice or as clear as that. Maybe it’s comes in the form of “are you serious rn?” or “do you see what you’re doing?”

Ion know about you but those typa comments are the perfect recipe to WRILE ME THE FUCK UP. Mostly because I probably know I’m being extra deep down and the only way to be consistent is to match my previous words and actions WHICH IS ridiculous, yes.

But that ridiculous pattern is what makes it easiest to justify doing what I do best: run away.

I know I can’t be the only one who finds themselves seeking for things that give us the green light to scoot the hell out. Thank you, next to friends, boyfriends, maybe jobs, classes or even family.

I think I lived in a very lonely mentality for some crucial teenage years. Lots of pressure on me to be older, independent, and capable, much earlier than many of my friends. Of course that’d be lonely…and unfortunately your mind creates comfort zones whether you in a good place or bad.

A comfort zone isn’t always what we like to think of than as being. Sometimes your comfort zone is vibing alone because the only person you trust is yourself. Or maybe it’s accepting toxic people into your life because that’s what your used to.

I say BLOCK to toxic people so fast they don’t even know what happened, but I have close people in my life who don’t really know how to do that.

I think I’ve really had to look at the parts of my comfort zone that I could live happier without. Easier said that done…ugh…but if you really think about it, that is the best kinda self-love you can give yourself.

Know your patterns. For you, for your family, for your S/O (future or current 😉), and your environment.

Real groan up shit! (in Meghan thee stallion’s voice)

lyrics —

we got love, love, love, you better believe it — Tayana Taylor’s “We Got Love”

thots —

I’m eternally grateful for the artists who create with true emotion

featured songs -

We Got Love — Teyana Taylor

Shoot it up — Teyana Taylor

Assume Form — James Blake

I’m so high…up in the air on this flight rn (LAS — SEA. Thanks to my friend who has flight benefits 😭, I love you Woah Zoe. (lol we ran into her supervisor at boarding)

#Relationships #growing up #Meghantheestallion #TeyanaTaylor #JamesBlake #TheBoys #Responsibility #Self-Love #Self-Care #EmotionalHealth #MentalHealth #Woman #Music #Goals #Growth #BreakUp #Trust Issues #Denial #EndingThings #Conflict #Personal #Flying #Travel #LasVegas #Seattle #AlaskaAirlines